A FANTASY REALIZED

The call I got from our daughter Laura one day last spring (2007) was alarming. She was by Norm’s side and said he was unresponsive and was having difficulty breathing. I hurried out to the residential center where he is being cared for, sat by his bed, held his hand, stroked his head, and talked to him. He told me, between labored breaths and with barely intelligible slurred speech, that he was surrounded by many people who loved him. I felt reassured by his words, for it seemed that he might be dying, and the thought of his being assisted in his passage by loved ones was comforting.

Norm has largely recovered from the more severe physical symptoms he showed at that time, but the episode triggered thoughts in my mind of what his death might mean to us as a family. Since he has now been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease for almost ten years, I became acutely and painfully aware that our grandchildren would never know the person their grandfather once was. They grew up with a sweet, kind, and loving man who nevertheless was (and is) a diminished, shadow-like version of his formerly dynamic self. The notion that they would never wholly grasp Norm in his fuller dimensions grieved me deeply, though at first I was not sure what I could do about it.

But then I had an exciting fantasy: that I might bring my entire family to La Jolla, California, where there gathers twice each year a group of individuals who both knew and loved Norm as the vibrant human being he was and who understand and appreciate the philosophic outlook he represented. I felt they would be uniquely qualified to bring to life the man I wanted my grandchildren to learn about. So, I wrote the members of the group and asked if they would be willing to indulge my fantasy by spending one of their meetings talking about Norm and sharing their memories of him with my family. Their answer was a decisive Yes!

That group—dubbed The Consciousness Group—is a diverse collection of scientists, professors, Seth readers, as well as a few of us who have no apparent relevant credentials but are fascinated by the discussions that take place at the gatherings. Molly had met Norm when he talked about his book Bridging Science and Spirit: Common Elements in David Bohm’s Physics, The Perennial Philosophy and Seth at a conference. She told Walter, a scientist at the Salk Institute in La Jolla, about Norm and they decided to invite him and a few other like-minded souls to come together and explore some of the ideas put forth in the book. These individuals (with some variation in numbers) have been meeting ever since.

Over the years those of us involved in this group not only talked about such arcane subjects as the meaning of reality, the origins of consciousness, and the parameters of the paranormal, but we also shared our personal stories and struggles. We became a family. Norm and I looked forward to the meetings which took place at Walter’s home and at the spectacular Salk Institute overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Until, that is, Norm was no longer able to participate. Still, I kept the group informed regarding his condition and occasionally attended the gatherings alone.

My fantasy was realized on a weekend last November when almost all members of our family (only granddaughter Carolyn and her husband Raven could not attend) gathered at a hotel in La Jolla. When we arrived at Walter and Karen’s house on Friday evening, members of the group were standing at the door with big smiles and open arms. All ten of us—I (the proud matriarch), our two daughters and their husbands, four of our five grandchildren, and a serious boyfriend of one—were immediately folded into their loving embrace. The evening was informal, providing an opportunity for everyone to get acquainted.

The next morning we convened at the Salk Institute. I had brought a digital recorder, for I wanted Carolyn and Raven to also hear what was said. Walter started and then passed the recorder around the group, each speaking about Norm and his ideas, and telling stories about their personal relationship with him. These comments can be found on my website www.leahsbook.com. Just click on Recordings. The day was deeply moving and stimulating for our entire family.

Though I had planned the visit largely for the grandchildren, it turned out to be just as meaningful and beneficial for the rest of us. We too had begun to lose track of the man Norm once was. Our daughter Laura stated it very well:

I look back on our trip as a time of great comfort. For me, the words of the Salk group participants reminded me of the father I knew, before he became ill. They also helped me to better understand his life's journey today and why he might have chosen to let go of the intellectual pursuits that defined most of his life. Most important, though, everyone there was loving, kind, nurturing and accepting. It was clear how much they loved him and it was a tremendous blessing that the love they had for him extended to all of us.

Jenny, our other daughter, was reminded of the discussions she had with Norm before he became ill, and mentioned how her interest in these topics has been revitalized by her visit. She made these observations:

It was not only the clearly deep affection they had for you [Leah/Mom] and Papa that was so touching, but how they embraced all of us so quickly and completely. Of course, the most poignant part was hearing the kind and loving words about Papa. Here are people that not only knew what a wonderful man he was, but understood and deeply respected the contribution he made to the study of consciousness. Especially considering how much of that part of who he was has faded now, I loved hearing again what a creative and vibrant mind he had. (Otherwise I remember by keeping his book nearby and reading passages now and then.)

Jenny’s husband Rocky added his reflections on the trip:

I loved the trip to San Diego! It was wonderful to be together with almost all of the family in an incredible location. The Salk group is an impressive group of people and it was an honor to meet all of them. I was amazed at how open they were with their ideas and experiences. But most impressive was how warm and welcoming everyone was to our family. And, of course, it was incredibly touching and heartwarming to see and hear how much they respect and love Norm. I know all of the kids really appreciated the experience—especially the interest the Salk folks had in them and their thoughts about things. I left San Diego on a high from all the warmth, intellectual stimulation and "good vibrations" (Beach Boys)!

Our grandchildren did indeed see their grandfather in a new light, but they also, as Rocky mentions, were touched by the respect they were shown. They were captivated and inspired by the novel concepts revealed to them. Rachel, for one, was moved to explore some of the new ideas. This is what she wrote about our time there:

I had rarely even considered attempting to understand Papa’s philosophical outlook because I believed it was not something I could ever understand. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how well each person at the Salk explained their own, as well as Papa’s, ideas. Their attitudes were very unassuming considering what I know of their intelligence and experience. The atmosphere and discussion was kept casual and lively which also made me so much more at ease. I happily realized that I was actually excited and fascinated about what they had to say -- and was inspired to learn more and try and gain a greater comprehension. As soon as I returned home I checked out the first Seth book and A Holographic Universe from the library. They both sat by my bed for two weeks unread – but that is not to say I have given up.

Nick, our only grandson and the youngest of the bunch, was especially enthralled by some of the uncommon views and experiences shared by the members of this unusual group. He wrote:

The people who were there have many unique ideas that you do not (at least if you are me) get to encounter on an every day basis, and certainly not discuss. Whether it was the Talking Board or the bending of spoons, it was definitely a weekend in which our everyday beliefs had to be put aside. This is not to say that what was happening was not very real, only that in our every day lives it is hard to find a place for it. (I am sure the highly regarded scientists performing these acts would agree.) While I certainly did not always understand and agree with the discussions that were taking place, I was very inspired the entire time. All together these people were very smart, and were also some of the kindest people you would ever meet. While their intellects could have been potentially intimidating, there was not a point when I didn‘t feel welcomed.

Granddaughter Jessica recalled the weekend, writing in her style of prose poetry:

When we used to sit in the chairs in the living room, Papa and I, he would talk about metaphysics and Seth and time and it slid through me, it was a detail of him just like his smell, or his bathrobe, like his endless teasing and his ear hairs, but the words didnt take the jump from simple sounds into thoughts. then all these beautiful people loved his thoughts and put them back into words sitting around the table and toying with magic and doing this they created another person that I had seen but never known, making the rest of us all a little different too.

Luis, Rebecca’s boyfriend, is relatively new to our family and therefore did not know Norm before his illness, so for him the visit was a way of learning something about Rebecca’s grandfather and the kind of person he was:

As I walked into the Salk Institute, I had a strong feeling this was not just a meeting of great minds, it was a meeting of people deeply connected to each other in both spirit and mind. As I sat in the room listening to the conversation, I was intrigued with the energy and how everyone talked about Norm Friedman. It was almost as if Norm was in the room the entire time. Everyone was kind to one another and listened with respect to each person's great ideas. It reminded me how important it is to reflect on life and take a moment to enjoy one another: friends, family, and all those with similar spirits. I live for my new friends and family and I thank you for an experience I will never forget.

On Saturday evening we gathered once again at Walter and Karen’s home. The atmosphere was festive and joyful, fueled by good food, plentiful amounts of wine and beer, animated conversation, and a warm sense of shared community. The ambience was extraordinary—accepting, uplifting, and caring. The evening ended with the group singing together as Karen played the piano. As we left, we were wrapped in a glowing aura of contentment and love. It was indeed, as the old song goes, one enchanted evening.

The next day at lunch those of us still in La Jolla met with three other women who had been especially close to Norm. They also spoke lovingly of him and told of the times they had been together—often at Seth conferences where they had shared the platform. It was touching to hear the deep affection and respect they expressed for him. They told funny stories, making us laugh, but just as often causing our eyes to fill with tears as they recalled some special personal exchange with Norm. We came away with our hearts full.

The trip accomplished far more than my fantasy had envisioned. Not only was our family exposed to new experiences, but our sharing of those experiences brought us closer in unexpected ways. Several members of the family commented on that aspect of our visit. Our granddaughter Rebecca wrote:

Our post-meeting conversations in the hotel bar over warm glasses of red wine reminded me of how blessed I am to have a family that is both academically and spiritually inclined. And, all while maintaining humbleness, gratitude and appreciation of others. Amazing is not quite a strong enough word….

Nick was particularly pleased by the closeness that he felt was engendered among family members:

While getting together for Thanksgiving and Christmas is nice, traveling as a family has a different sort of effect. Perhaps it is something about needing to move together as a pack that brings people closer. In any case, I am not sure whether it was our new closeness that impressed the people there, which then inspired everyone else to take a closer look and agree, or if it was just being so close together for three days, but I am sure that everyone left San Diego feeling closer to everyone else in the family.

This account of those extraordinary few days last November in La Jolla is not only for the members of our family, in order to help them fix that precious time in their memories, but is also for Walter, Karen, Molly, Herb, Peter, Ellen, Sandy, Lena, Andy, and Elisabet, all of whom were exceptionally gracious to me and my family during that unforgettable weekend. Your gentle ways with my grandchildren is something that I shall always remember and appreciate. They came away in awe of all of you—not because of your intelligence and knowledge, though they certainly were impressed with those qualities—but because of your genuine kindness toward and acceptance of them. We are immensely grateful to all of you for sharing with us your memories of Norm. It was a time we shall always cherish.

I also want to thank Lynda, Bettie, and Nancy. Though we were not a full group and did not have as much time with these three beautiful, warm, and intelligent women, those of us fortunate enough to meet with these old friends were touched by their stories and expressions of love and appreciation for Norm.

We are a family blessed in countless ways, not least by the gift of these people that we would not have known had it not been for Norm and his interest in the philosophy of physics and his openness to such esoteric topics as the meaning of reality and how matter originates from consciousness. His humor, his gentleness, and his loving nature are still intact, and though his former intellect is no longer available to us, we do have his books. In the introduction to Bridging Science and Spirit he says that he hopes to present “images of reality that are both illuminated by spirit and grounded in science.” I think that could serve as a summary of his life, for he was surely in love with science, but was, and is, illuminated by spirit.